Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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