Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You may now shotgun with the bride
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
