You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I FOUND THE LEGS
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
