Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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