I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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