Betty ford says i'm here all night
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
