Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
