Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
