The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
