i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
