i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
