now i know why i became what i already was.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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