I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
