Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
