i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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