Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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