Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
