I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
