I just threw up on my dentist
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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