how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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