Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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