I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I think I am morally bankrupt
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
