dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
