get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
