She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
