I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Randomize
