apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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