Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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