I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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