3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Randomize
