You made me cry and you don't even care
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
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