3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
