i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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