3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
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