he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
