her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
