We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Randomize
