so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
