so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
