FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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