There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
