dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
