he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
