Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
