How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
