He asked me if I "almost moaned"
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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