I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Just puked most of my soul out..
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
