remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
