Whod you bang
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
