my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
