he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
