Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
