Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
