i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
40s are totally the cure
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
