It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
