lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
They have beer where we have blood.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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