I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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