yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
