you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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