Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
