Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
