my being single is dangerous.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
