her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
