i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
